these last few days have felt like my own private screenplay. sleeping hasn’t seemed to come naturally and im exhausted, feeling as if im still in motion, that everything keeps on moving.
my mother woke up last saturday morning to feeling so dizzy that she could barely even move. she thought maybe she was really exhausted and went back to bed until she awoke again to no feeling in her arm, and no ability to even sit up or walk. her soft words were slurred.. and her confused answers didnt make any sense at all.
everything inside of me opened up and brokedown as i watched my mother having a stroke in front of me. rushing to the hospital and having no direction as to where i was, it almost felt impossible to get there. the vibration of the car began to feel like a rollercoaster stuck inside a maze and my mind went thirty thousand times per second. to actually feel so alone and vulnerable at a moment like that, to take care of your actual parent, thinking this was the end was extremely emotional and difficult.
with each moment that early morning felt awakening and more than spiritual. towards the emergency room, our lost drive began to be comforting as the warm fall winds guided us through hidden gardens of velvet green grass, bright sunlight and tall oak trees amongst the sky above so blue. all i could strangely think was that it would be okay if my mom died today, because at least it was… beautiful.